Coping with losing my father


January 8th, 2019 the day my world changed in just a blink of an eye. My father battled colorectal cancer for 7.5 years and Liver Metastases for 6 years before his body couldn’t take anymore. My father fought with the strength he had and he lived longer than what anyone expected. With the cancer running in his body my father would Still fix cars all while going through chemo. He would still fix what was broken in other neighbors homes too. He loved his grandsons so much that he spoiled them rotten. They knew his love for them and they knew that papa was the one that could look out for them whenever they needed something.

Whats hard to handle about my father passing is watching it all happen right before my eyes. I supported my dad despite our trouble relationship I was there for him. The long hours having to wait for the chemo to run its duty, All the doctor appointments, hospital visits, running errands, driving to the stores, etc. I watched how he operated throughout all those years until the final months his body took more hits and he slowed down.

It took less than 3 weeks before we received news that the disease in his body would come even more aggressively. I remember hearing the doctors tell him the news and watching the tears fall from his eyes. I couldn’t imagine the amount of emotions and fear of knowing that this was going to be the end and not know when that very day would come. I also remember when his doctor said that he was a living miracle to be up walking and talking with the conditions he had. Despite the news and all my father still did what he could and accepted that God had him.

50083628_2354121071329156_8508630341395677184_o.jpg

I remember praying in the shower that God would so see fit that my father would make it to see Christmas and the New Year. Surely he granted that prayer because he saw both. He got to experience both of his grandsons open their presents and be around his family. But I wasn’t ready for what was going to happen next.

Christmas_3.JPG
Christmas_2.jpg

January 8th on that very night I would watch my father take his last breath. I would hear the sound of his life completely stop. This is something I have to face and deal with because who would have known that I would witness what I did that night. Now, there is the coping with my dad no longer being here and continue to adapt to a new life with him in memory. This is the hardest thing to do because still I believe it is all but just a dream.

I’m writing this post because it is my coping task to share my experience of tragedy for whatever God has next in my life. Heres to healing… one day at a time.